A plea to Pizza Express

There is a strange inexplicable phenomenon at work in London society in respect of restaurant chains and it also extends itself to pub and bar chains too. Everyone hates chains, they profess to despise and never darken the door step of them all, from McDonalds to the Pitcher and Piano, from the dreaded Starbucks to the Yo Sushi conveyors. Despite this these chains are always busy. For instance, consider this: have you ever walked past an All Bar One in central London at 7pm on a Thursday evening? Regardless of where it is, it will be packed to the rafters, guaranteed. It’s not either as if this particular All Bar One is the sole licensed premises for miles. In London nearly everyone of the legal drinking age could find themselves a seat in a London Pub if we spread ourselves out a bit.

I have a theory, whisper it softly now, people actually like chains. I do. There I’ve said it. I like chains. Not all of them by any means, there are still some awful ones about, but then again, there are still some pretty poor independent outfits as well. For some people the sight of a familiar brand or logo is a guarantee of a certain level of expectation. I love Pizza Express. I’ve never had a bad meal in a Pizza Express restaurant and believe me I’ve been in enough of them. I’ve never been surprised or knocked off my feet by the outstanding originality or inspirational cuisine, but that isn’t what they’re for. Pizza Express exists, like all business, to make a profit and it does this by feeding punters reasonably priced Italian fare in a pleasant environment, and it does this brilliantly time and time again.

So, to the main point of this post, I despite a healthy admiration for their undoubtedly professional approach to running a restaurant chain am ever so slightly aggrieved with the good folk behind Pizza Express. Like Tesco, Pizza Express, are omnipresent. In fact I’m convinced there are uninhabited islands off the north coast of Scotland with their own Tesco Metro stores, just in case the seagulls need some fresh coriander and chillies on the way home. I reside in central Hackney, a land blessed with only low budget chains like McDonalds, KFC and Pizza Hut (not even a sit-in Pizza Hut at that). Tesco, on the other hand, have done us proud by throwing up not one but two whacking great sheds, but that’s a whole other debate and, anyway, did you know that Hackney is the home of Tesco? Bet you didn’t. Hackney is oft touted as one of these mythical hotspots of regeneration commonly known as up-and-coming. Unfortunately this “up-and-coming” generally means “presently-it’s-a-bit-of-a-shithole.” This is true of central Hackney certainly, but no worse that some of Pizza Expresses chosen urban outposts, I mean for god’s sake there’s even one in Leith or even Ilford for that matter.

So here is a photo of my solution.

This is an empty unit for lease in the relatively new Library and Learning Trust building. Now I appreciate it’s not their usual style dripping with architectural significance but tough, it’s Hackney and that’s all there is. It’s 3000 sqft, an ideal size and already has A3 planning consent, so no hurdles there. Significantly it’s been on the market for over a year now (too big for a kebab joint, too small for a Tesco metro, after which point everyone runs out of imagination in Hackney) so it’s cheap.

Now, for the interesting bit, the ridiculously over the top 20th Century Fox style Hackney Empire sign is funnily enough, the newly refurbished Hackney Empire theatre which is pulling in hundreds of people every night. Some friends of Mr Gorb, used to the good life in Blackheath ventured bravely north to see a show and ended up feeding themselves in the Wetherspoons pub across the road because there simply is nowhere else to go, (McDonalds and KFC aside). There is no Italian restaurant for a very long way from this area, in fact, there’s no restaurant of any note or capacity nearby at all. I took the photo from the other side of the road standing outside the now defunct Ocean Music Venue (a Hackney Council debacle almost on a par with the ongoing Clissold Leisure Centre trauma). Hackney Council have prioritised the venue to be resurrected as an arts venue and the place has a capacity of thousands. A merely 30 seconds walk away is Hackney town hall, headquarters of the council, who employ hundreds of staff, thus sorting out the lunch market. As if further evidence was needed, the nearby newly constructed Martello Tower apartments sell for over £250k a pop. People who can stretch to that don’t want to eat in KFC, well not every night anyway.

Go on Pizza Express give us a go, I know you want to, I’ve seen the 1999 planning application on the building up the road, subsequently withdrawn. Bar Central got there first and failed just as their successor, Bar Seashell, probably will too. Not because they lacked a market but because, quite frankly, they just weren’t very good.

Pizza Express please give us a go, bring your dough balls to Hackney.